Life, Love, Long Hair, Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth, and other mysteries

All this and more, from a semi-Serbian, slightly sane, former editor for physicians and surgeons, who is the mother of seven kids.


Wednesday 28 March 2012

The Risk Of Friendship

It's a risk.

A gamble.

Putting yourself out there and not knowing if you're going to get anything in return.

I hate gambling, and I never do it with money, so why do I do it with the thing that is worth infinitely more than anything temporal - my spirit?

Why?

Is it worth the risk?

Friendship is worth more than any amount of monetary gain I could ever imagine.

Investing a little piece of my heart in something that may fail also has the flip-side of possibly succeeding.

But, oh how the failure hurts!

I'm one of those people who has a "friend list" on Facebook numbering in the hundreds, but if someone were to ask me how I know so many people, I'd have to say, "I don't."

Real friends in my life I can count on my fingers.

And with me, counting on my fingers is a serious thing.

I do medical transcription from home.  If my fingers get damaged, my income suffers, and that's huge.

When I lose a friend, my heart suffers, and that's huge.


("Knee Deep In A River", by Kathy Mattea)

Dang, the above video is a little off in the audio sync, but anyway, it fits here.  I wonder if Kathy Mattea knows about Facebook - she might find some long lost treasures there.

Don't get me wrong - those I count as real friends are more than the ten fingers I've got, but I mean a lot of the people on my Facebook friend list are acquaintances with whom I rarely or never communicate.

Is anyone truly close with a ton of people?

I wonder about that.

I've always been a semi-loner, being close with only a few people, yet adoring, admiring, and appreciating many.

One of my dearest buddies has nearly 3000 people on his friend list, but I know that he is the same as me in the whole "very few people are my real friends" thing.

I was about to publish this, but then I decided to add one more song, which I saw on the Facebook wall of a beloved friend, which speaks to me of brotherly/friendship love, something that is lacking in this world.

("Love The One You're With" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young)

As I commented to that friend on her wall, when I first heard this song in my early teens, the guy who was my boyfriend at the time got mad at me for saying that I thought loving the one you're with is a wonderful thing.  In his twisted way, he accused me of meaning "have sex with the one you're with".

Maybe that was his interpretation but it's never been mine.

I don't know what the song writers had in mind when they wrote it, but my take on it is that we should treat our friends with love - as in the Greek word "phileo", brotherly/friendship kind of love - for the one with whom we are communicating, the one who is giving us a piece of their life.

Reciprocate.

Give of yourself as they are giving of themselves, and enjoy it.

If you're my friend, thank you for handling my heart with care.

If you're just getting to know me, keep up the good work.  I'll try not to let you down, too.

My heart is an investment and an asset to you, as you and your heart are to me.


With phileo,


"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."



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26 comments:

  1. Funny that you picked that song - I just heard it on the radio this morning and CRANKED it. Love it! Good call!

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  2. I hope I'm one of those fingers :)

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  3. I appreciate your post and candor. This friendship thing is hard for me too. I have lots of acquaintances, but not really many friends. And certainly not a best friend I've had for a long time.

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    1. And so, real friends are soooooooo so so so valuable, not to be taken lightly.

      Thank you for your post, too.

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  4. I dunno, song interpretation is generally a pretty subjective thing, but...

    "Turn your heartache right into joy
    She's a girl and you're a boy
    Did you get it together and make it nice?
    When you ain't gonna need anymore advice"

    ...seems pretty clear. Actually, if you read the COMPLETE lyrics, it's more about getting over a breakup and moving on, with a hint toward cluing in on someone who's been there all along... you know, your basic John Hughes movie.

    And yeah, I'm one of those with a gazillion FB "friends", very few of whom I communicate with on a regular basis or would call anything more than just acquaintances. Actually, those two factors don't necessarily go hand-in-hand, as there are some people I consider some of my dearest friends that I still only see once or twice a year (or even less), yet I've known them since LONG before Facebook was around.

    No particular point here, BTW, just some late-night ramblings. Oh, and on the subject of song interpretation: we had friends, some years ago... a couple who claimed "their song" was Extreme's "More Than Words" - as "she" put it, "It's such a beautiful love song..." Uh... no. It's really not. Listen to the lyrics: it's a guy giving his girl the old "If you really loved me, you'd sleep with me" speech. Seriously. Some songs just DON'T leave room for interpretation.

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    1. With some songs, I get this, "Oh, yeah, that is totally words from my own heart, too" feeling for maybe one or two lines, and the rest don't apply. I guess in a song such as this, that would be the case. :)

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  5. just want to see if this is working

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  6. what is friendship well that is tuff one because people make it any thing they want well i meen like 3000 facebook friends now that is joke if i ever seen it if it is guy with mostly ladys on his friend list you know what he is thinking future fuck friends if its a lady well could be many reasons such as some one to use in time of need or just to look like some people care or status simble i am guy so i know what guys think lol and i think that people go to others for advice when they know in there heart just how and what a friend is a friend some one who is kind to me tells me when i am wrong or doing the worng things to others sees life for what it is talks to me like i am sombody picks me up when i am sad holds me up when i fall does not lie to me teachs me thing that i never new before and does not use me for there gain in bad way example helping them move and then after thay never call again untill you see them again on the street or borrow money and take off but you cant think of the money thing in this way if they dont pay you back you payed them off to never talk to you again and they are losers any way so in one way it your gain depends on how you look at it make friend with people who build you teach you and make you feel better about your self those friends are few and far between i would say 95 out of 100 are just plain useless as friends any way one more exmple i had a friend who was close to me and a nother fiend who was oppsite sex both conspired to brake the fiendship up with the oppsite sex person because oppsite sex perosn had more to gain for them selfs if they did so in there light of looking at things but realy all they got was bad things happing to them so there you go a mans of the worlds prospective of life lol

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    1. ONE man's perspective. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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    2. Holy run-on sentences Batman!

      But yeah you're one guy. Get a clue.

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  7. sorry i am not lady i dont take hints very well

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    1. So, he returns to the scene of the grammar crime. Welcome back, sir. LOL, no worries, not even every WOMAN is a lady.

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  8. beleve me if i was worred about what people think i would have started the nwo my self lol

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  9. but anyway good luck in your friendship find

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  10. Heres for shits and giggles, lets rewite it.Is that ok if you delete it. And i start all over again.

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  11. here comes the rewite are ya ready lol

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  12. What is friendship? Well that is tuff one because people make it any thing they want. Well I mean like 3000 face book friends now that is joke if I ever seen it . If it is guy, with mostly ladies on his friend list you know what he is thinking, future fuck friends. If its a lady ,well could be many reasons such as some one to use in time of need or just to look like some people care or status simble. I am guy so I know what guys think lol and I think that people go to others for advice when they know in there heart just how and what a friend is. A friend some one who is kind to me tells me when I am wrong or doing the wrong things to others. Sees life for what it is talks to me like I am somebody picks me up when I am sad . Holds me up when I fall, does not lie to me teaches me things that I never new before and does not use me for there gain in bad way. Example helping them move and then after they never call again until you see them again on the street or borrow money and take off. But you can think of the money thing in this way, if they dont pay you back you paid them off to never talk to you again and they are losers any way so in one way it your gain depends on how you look at it. Make friends with people who build you ,teach you and make you feel better about your self. Those friends are few and far between i would say 95 out of 100 are just plain useless as friends. Any way one more example . I had a friend who was close to me and a nether fiend who was opposite sex. Both conspired to brake the friendship up with the opposite sex person. Because opposite sex person had more to gain for them self’s if they did so in there light of looking at things, But really all they got was bad things happing to them so there you go a mans of the worlds prospective of life.lol

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    1. You nut! Thanks for the rewrite. I appreciate your effort.

      As for me, I don't like being used, so I don't use people - male or female.

      It ain't status symbol for me, either. I'm kinda surprised myself at how many people I seem to know. I look at it more like an address book or contact list, for people with whom there may be a need to converse, and also who knows who is a potential friend, once you get to know them a little better through what they choose to reveal about themselves.

      And furthermore, I think any guy on my Facebook friend list knows freaking well that I'm off limits and that I'm a goofy person with whom to goof around and nuttin' more. There's a neat song to go with that:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilOx2Jmm1r4

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    2. Paragraphing, Sir, it is very valuable.

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  13. good luck with that

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  14. so steen bopper what are the people like up north do they have any understading of love and friendship

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    1. "Up north" is a pretty large area, and it's relative - north of where? But the answer doesn't really matter because I am only one person, sharing my personal thoughts, so I cannot comment on the understanding anyone else may have of love and friendship.

      I do, however, think it may be time for me to hurry up and post this other entry on which I've been working on the subject of love.

      And as for what the people "up north" are like... there are good ones and there are a-hats in every community. I've yet to find the perfect town on this planet where I get along with everyone.

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  15. sorry i spelled standing wrong

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  16. "True friendship" is an interesting conundrum if I've ever heard one. There are friends I don't see for a year (or longer) but can pick up like we just saw each other yesterdday, because our bond is that deep and we've been through things together. There are friends that I meet online who share my interests ad convictions, and with whom I love to have deep discussions - but I've never met them. Day-to-ay, face-to-face friends are rare for me, and I know that part of that is because the friends I've invested in previously - the ones I can pick up with from seemingly out of nowhere? - we no longer live near each other. And I'm no longer at a stage in my life where I can just walk out the door at the drop of a hat to go to some social event. I've got a kid. Our budget limits how much vehicle use happens. Et cetera.so how can I invest?

    Aw, now you've got me all melancholy. :P

    Anyway... you might enjoy CS Lewis' "The Four Loves." Thought I would throw that out there.

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Talk to me - please.